Lavender Mourning



My friend Virginia, is a true southern genteel lady. When she speaks, you feel like you’re listening to a harp concert. I never heard her say an unkind word about anyone, and when she does something against her dad’s wishes, she does it gracefully. For instance, I pulled up to her house during a campaign season, and she told me that her dad did not like the candidate signs she had put in her yard. Virginia brought her kids along with me & my kids the night we took an over-night field trip. We visited three businesses that were operating in the middle of the night: the donut shop, the water treatment plant, and the hospital (we took donuts to the staff at the hospital).

Another thing that Virginia did that made her family unhappy was to have lavender as her wedding color. She must have seen the perplexed look on my face, because she explained that lavender is the fourth color that you wear when you’re coming out of mourning. You start with black, then progress to other colors, finally to lavender, and then you’re finished mourning. Those southern traditions are so cool.

This morning, I read about mourning as it relates to divorce. I read that I have to give myself time to mourn. That’s a hard thing for me to do because it requires patience with myself. But thinking about Virginia’s progressive mourning, I think I can mourn the southern way. So as I was driving to work today, I gave myself permission to stretch out my time of mourning. I’ve decided I’m in the second stage. I’m past the intense pain, and now I’m moving on to a dull ache. Hmmm; what color would the second stage be? I didn’t ask Virginia what the other colors are, so I am taking the liberty of making them up. Dull ache sounds like chocolate brown. Milk chocolate. Like a nice Dove bar. Yes; I’m in the milk chocolate color step of mourning, with obvious corollary benefits. The third color will have to be something slightly more cheerful than chocolate and not as light-hearted as lavender. Then, after lavender…… about bright sassy red!?

Chili Art

Chili Art


3 thoughts on “Lavender Mourning

  1. Yesterday, our oldest son accepted a job in Mobile, Alabama. That is a long way from Washington state.
    It is a great move for him, our daughter in law and two of the best grandgirlies in the world are going with him.
    It makes me feel sad that they will be so far away.
    The thing about living in the South? It is the South.
    It brings me such great comfort to know what kind of people the southern people are. They are kind, loving, polite, full of goodness, embrace family and church, and their lives and how they treat others is a valued tradition.
    Today, when I wake up, I will wear a touch of lavender. Just because I want to find happy and comfort in thinking of the south.

  2. It’s really hard to have your son be far away. My comfort, with my son being far away from me, is knowing that he is so very happy where he is. I wish every happiness for your boy & his family.
    P.S. After the final stage of mourning, I’m going to wear a red miniskirt. How about you? Wanna go shopping together?

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